The worst movies of 2013

Charlie-swan

The end of the year is a time to celebrate the best of what’s come before. I wrote my Top 10 list of the best movies of 2013 for 77 Square, and its in print in Thursday’s issue and online. It was a great year for American movies. (I also talked about the best movies on Wisconsin Public Radio’s “Central Time” show Wednesday afternoon — the audio can be streamed here if you’re interested.)

But as Bret Michaels said, every rose has its thorn, and every “12 Years a Slave” has its “Paranoia.” So before we finally bid adieu to 2013, here’s a look back at the 10 worst movies of the year — the misguided, the disappointing, and the just plain terrible.

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“The Wolf of Wall Street” is a morality play (Morality sold separately.)

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Poor Martin Scorsese. When he made “Goodfellas,” he never thought he had to put in a scene where somebody told Joe Pesci it was morally wrong for him to shoot Spider. He didn’t bother to include a scene in “Casino” where Robert De Niro questioned the ethics of smashing a card cheater’s hand with a hammer. And in “Gangs of New York,” nobody stopped to talk about how bashing each other’s skulls might be considered antisocial.

He must have thought this was self-evidently bad behavior or something.

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When are “Her,” “Inside Llewyn Davis” and other big films coming to Madison?

her

This is Friday, normally the day when I write about “What’s Playing in Madison” for the next week. But because it’s the holidays, what’s playing in Madison this week are the same movies that were playing in Madison last week. There’s nothing new opening Friday, and the UW-Cinematheque and other local screening series are shut down over winter break.

So, instead, I thought I’d look ahead to some much-anticipated films that have opened in other cities already, but haven’t made it to Madison, and handicap when I think we’ll finally get to see them. Some are considered Oscar contenders, others thought they would be but may have gotten lost in the shuffle.

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15 reasons to get excited about the Spring 2014 UW-CInematheque calendar

mywinnipeg

Some use ice fishing. Some use football. Some use bourbon.

For me, not surprisingly, what gets me through a Wisconsin winter is the movies. Luckily, just as the thermometer plunges and the snowblower comes out around this time of year, the big Oscar contenders start hitting theaters. And when the holiday rush is past, there’s always a new UW-Cinematheque winter-spring schedule, and the tantalizing signs of the Wisconsin Film Festival up ahead in April, to keep us going until springtime.

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Kindness, cruelty and “12 Years a Slave”

TWELVE YEARS A SLAVE

A few years ago, there was a piece on “This American Life” about a “living history” museum outside Indianapolis that tried to give patrons a more immediate sense of what it was like to live under slavery. So tourists would actually role-play the part of slaves, yelled at and berated by a historical reenactor playing the part of a slave master. Judging by the audio, he played the part very well — so well that he would make some tourists cry, even throw up.

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One more Turkey Day with “Mystery Science Theater 3000”

MST3K-3

Happy Turkey Day!

To the general populace, Turkey Day is just another way of saying Thanksgiving. But to a select few, the phrase conjures more than just images of turkey, cranberries and your Uncle Dan talking with his mouth full. For “Mystery Science Theater 3000” fans, Turkey Day was truly something to celebrate.

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Union South Marquee presents the “Divine” Reel Love LGBT Film Festival

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The Wisconsin Union Directorate’s Reel Love LGBT Film Festival has only been around for a couple of years. But those years seem like decades in terms of the advancement of gay rights; fitting that the 3rd annual free festival starts Thursday, the day after Illinois became Wisconsin’s third neighboring state to sign gay marriage into law.

But there is much yet to be done, and film plays its role, in telling stories about the lives of gay people — funny stories, sad stories, made-up stories, true stories, powerful stories, silly stories. This year’s four-day festival has an impressive range of films playing at the Union South Marquee, 1308 W. Dayton St. — gay or straight, you’ll find a movie that appeals to you here.

Here’s a rundown of what’s playing Thursday and Friday at the festival — I’ll dig into Saturday and Sunday in a separate post that will go up Saturday morning.

Thursday

Highlight of the day: “Vic + Flo Saw a Bear” (9:30 p.m.) — Confession: I was only able to watch about half of this French Canadian drama before my online screener link got severed. So it could go wrong in the second half, but it’s doubtful, given how tightly controlled this tale of two lesbian ex-cons trying to make a new life in remote Quebec is. The couple is bedeviled by a mysterious neighbor with a vendetta and a link to their past, as well as their own insecurities about their relationship. Gee, I can’t wait to see how it turns out!

Also playing:Getting Go: The Go Doc Project” (7 p.m.), a mix of documentary and narrative shot by a young NYC gay couple.

Friday

Highlight of the Day: “I Am Divine” (9:30 p.m.) — Maybe, in retrospect, Divine shouldn’t have eaten the dog poop.

The drag icon’s notorious meal in John Waters’ “Pink Flamingos” became a stunt that in many ways defined her, one Divine had to overcome in her quest for superstardom and mainstream acceptance. But Jeffrey Schwarz’s engaging documentary “I Am Divine” shows that the performer born Harris Glenn Milstead wasn’t just a shock performer, but a bold, talented and surprisingly complicated individual.

Schwarz’s film shows how Milstead rebelled against his straight-laced Baltimore upbringing, expressing himself through the world of drag and partnering with a rail-thin Waters on his underground films. Waters notes that Divine was the ultimate outsider — Milstead took everything that others hated about himself and exaggerated it times 10. There’s a defiance in those too-tight lame dresses, gigantic swoops of mascara and huge plumes of fake hair. Maybe generations of American outsiders didn’t want to look like Divine — but they wanted to feel like her.

“He didn’t want to be a woman,” one friend emphasizes. “He wanted to be a movie star!” That distinction between drag and transvestitism  (Divine never wore the get-ups offstage) may help explain how willing Divine was to dowdy herself up, to play unglamorous housewives so effectively in Waters’ later films, “Polyester” and the massive hit “Hairspray.” “Hairspray” gave Divine and Waters mainstream attention, and led to Divine being cast as a man on “Married With Children.”

And, then, the night before the first “Married” rehearsal, he died in his sleep of a massive heart attack at the age of 42. Schwarz interviews Waters, “Hairspray” star Ricki Lake and lots of Divine’s friends and colleagues to paint a warm but complicated picture of the man behind the mascara, often unhappy and surprisingly soft-spoken. But the most poignant interviews may be with Divine’s estranged mother — a couple of years before his death, Divine finally reconciled with his parents and came home to Baltimore.

The banner his parents  hung in his old house read “Welcome Home Divine.”

Also playing Friday:Reaching For the Moon” (7 p.m.) tells the true story of poet Elizabeth Bishop’s ’50s love affair with a Brazilian architect, and “Female Trouble” (midnight) one of Divine’s most notorious films with John Waters, plays at midnight.

Elf yourself at the Sundance Holiday Classics series

Elf

While others I know leap into Christmas music and gift-buying almost immediately after their Halloween costumes are off, I try and stave off yuletide cheer as much as I can. It just seems rude to Thanksgiving, the only holiday left it seems where we don’t have to buy a lot of presents, just eat a lot of food together, to leapfrog it.

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See “Nosferatu” and help UW-Cinematheque convert to digital

On the Set of "Nosferatu"

You really don’t need an extra reason to see Werner Herzog’s 1979 chiller “Nosferatu” on the big screen, especially with Halloween coming up. The 1979 film is effect both as an homage and an update to the F.X. Murnau silent vampire classic; as UW student Ryan Waal said on the UW-Cinematheque blog, “this film is emotionally expressive and scary in ways most films only aspire to be, and a fantastic demonstration of Herzog’s abilities to curate and display pure weirdness on the screen.”

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