See all nine Best Picture nominees in 36 hours and get really, really depressed

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I had mentioned on Monday that AMC Star Cinema was offering moviegoers the chance to see all nine Oscar contenders for Best Picture in one fell swoop — four of them on Saturday, Feb. 16 and the remaining five on Saturday, Feb. 23.

Wimps.

Now Marcus Theatres announced Tuesday that they’ll be showing all nine films in one weekend at several of its theaters, including Point in Madison. You can see the first five films on Saturday for $30, and the remaining four films on Sunday for $25. Or you can shoot the moon and see all nine films for $50. Visit marcustheatres.com to buy tickets.

I don’t think there’s any question this is a great deal, both financially and artistically — the crop of Best Picture contenders is awfully strong this year. The one I like the least is “Les Miserables,” and I still pretty much liked that.

No, the question I have is more medical in nature: Should the human brain be subjected to that much misery in such a concentrated amount of time?

Oscar contenders frequently get knocked for being a pretty sad bunch of films, but this year’s crop seems particularly dire. Let’s walk through Point’s film-by-film schedule and see what we’re in for, shall we?

Saturday

11 a.m. — “Beasts of the Southern Wild” (global warming, loss of home, death of parents)

1:10 p.m. — “Amour” (dementia, illness, slow and painful death)

3:40 p.m. — “Les Miserables” (poverty, war, sickness, forced prostitution, economic injustice, and, of course, lots of death)

6:50 p.m. — “Argo” (kidnapping, terror)

9:20 p.m. — “Django Unchained” (slavery, torture, and bloody, bloody death)

Sunday

12:30 p.m. — “Life of Pi” (shipwreck, death of parents, starvation)

3:10 p.m. — “Lincoln” (war, slavery, and — spoiler alert — death)

6:10 p.m. — “Silver Linings Playbook” (mental illness, death of spouse, ballroom dancing — this is the romantic comedy)

8:50 p.m. — “Zero Dark Thirty” (terrorism, torture, death of innocents, nagging sense that the moral cost of conquering our enemies may not be worth it)

Now, I’m not saying don’t go see these movies. I’ve seen all nine of them and are much better for it. All I’m saying is that they can get a little grim. Might want to DVR a few cartoons and episodes of “Parks and Rec” to perk yourself up afterwards.

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